Ross and Demelza
by Downtonfanfix
Summary: Ross and Demelza's relationship from the moment that they first make love.
1. Chapter 1

Ross and Demelza Part 1

"Then let it be true! " I said with an air of certainty which I didn't hold. I felt his breath on my neck and his strong hand wrap around my waist. His hand was where no other man's hand had been and I couldn't breathe. In that moment all I knew was I wanted him. No, I needed him before I left. I needed the man I loved and I needed to pretend that he loved me even if it was only for a brief moment.

As the dress fell the cold night air hit my skin and he turned me around pulling me into a kiss. This couldn't be wrong I told myself. I didn't care about the age gap or the fact that I was his maid and him my master. I didn't care that this wasn't supposed to happen before marriage I loved him and I couldn't leave without saying my goodbye.

Suddenly I was on the bed naked, with lust filled eyes staring back at me. A maiden shyness came over me as I clasped my thighs together trying to hide my modesty though it could hardly matter now.

"Demelza, are you a virgin?" he said

"Yes, Sir but I reckon I'll be a 'right. I'm real strong, Suh"

I saw his brow furrow for a moment before it lessened and his concerns seemed to slip away. " I'll try be gentle even so." he said.

His words reassured my growing nerves. His absent touch was making me doubt myself but I knew what I was doing was what I wanted and I couldn't live with myself if I left without doing this. His shirt was now on the floor revealing his muscular tanned chest which I had admired from a far on many previous occasions. The top button of his trousers were undone and I looked away with a shyness that rarely overcame me. Even in his lust filled state he must of sensed some of my apprehension as he didn't remove his trousers quite yet but came back over to me and kissed me. The hands which were work worn and tough touched my skin with a gentleness I hadn't expected. His fingers skimmed my young breasts arousing a feeling between my legs I hadn't experienced before. Soft lips grazed down my body from my collar bone, to my breasts to my stomach and finally to my hip. My breathing was heavy, I didn't expect this. I thought I knew about the things that happened between a man and a woman but obviously not. I didn't realise how much pleasure it would bring me. His fingers skimmed my sex and I stiffened expecting that the time was now but it was only his fingers feeling around my folds. A sound escaped my lips which I had been trying to hold back for several minutes by this time.

"Don't hold back, Demelza. I need to know how you feel so I know when you are ready." said Ross with dark eyes which almost frightened me.

" I think I'm ready now, Sir" She said desperate. Both desperate from need and desperate because she wanted to get the first moment over with so her nerves could be eased.

"You sure about this?" he said. Offering me one last escape even though I could see he needed this almost as much as I.

"Yes, sir"

"Ross, call me Ross when your here."

Ross stood up and removed his trousers revealing his large erect manhood to me. I had never seen a naked man so close up and his sheer size frightened me.

My love, returned to me kissing me. More of a distraction than anything else. Then he entered me in one swift move. I gasped in pain and he looked down at me. I wasn't gonna cry I told myself. He won't wanna be with someone who is crying but even still despite my determination a solitary tear fell from my face.

" Do you need me to stop?" he said with desperate and pleading look on his face willing me to allow him to continue.

" No, Sir. You can continue." I replied trying to stop my voice from breaking as I felt the stretch within me.

" Just, hold on to me" he said as he began to move within me.

I held him close the whole time the pain fading with each of his thrusts. My face tucked into his neck, breathing in his smell locking it away in my memory. Trying to remember the feeling of his skin on my skin, the feeling of his lips on my lips, the sounds of our pleasure mingling together in the cold, dark room. I wanted to remember the feeling of him within me forever.

One final grunt and he spilled his seed within me. His limp body rolled off of me as he came down from his high and fell fast asleep. I looked at him for a while. Painting a picture of his face with his dark features and scar which just missed his eye. How could I leave him? How could I leave, my love? I thought but I also knew that tomorrow I must.


	2. Chapter 2

Ross and Demelza Part 2

I felt myself slowly rousing from my sleep and suddenly all that happened the night before came back to me. I hadn't meant to fall asleep last night in his bed. I was going to return to my own and leave early in the morning but as I opened my eyes I saw that a stream of light was entering the windows and I silently prayed that Ross had yet to wake. I could not face him again, not after what had happened.

A mixture of bliss and sadness tinged with regret. Not regret of having given my virginity to him because that is what I had wanted but a feeling of loss for my maidenhead which I no longer held. I silently crept out of the bed, reminding myself of my nakedness and the way he had looked at my body last night. I hurried to get changed being careful with each movement hoping that I would not wake him as I left. With the fine gown that I had worn last night wrapped around my body, I turned one last time to look at his face. The dark features and scar down the left side of his face did not affect the look of peace and innocence that I saw in his face. I had never seen him like that before in such a fragile way. I did not want to leave that room. The room where my love slept, the room where last night I pretended he loved as much as I loved him. Before, I could dwell to long and changed my mind I rushed out the room without even a final goodbye.

As I crept down the stairs I could only hope that Judd and Prudie were still abed. The rooms were empty and so I presumed the couple were probably asleep with a sore head. I crept into the room which had become my own and changed into my own dress and packed away the few possessions I owned.

I walked through the Kitchen remembering every day that I had woke to the gentle sun streaming through the windows as I kneaded the morning loaf. The silence had become so familiar, the quiet bliss I had learned to treasure those morning as I was all alone. I skimmed my fingers over the room saying a silent goodbye to the memories of happiness that this place and the people within it had allowed me to come to know. My life before all this was so dire and to know that I was returning to it after I had discovered how good life could really be made me feel a loss greater than the one I had felt when my mother passed on. Garrick and I left the house just as we had come, with no one else but each other in the whole wide world.

I walked down to the cliff that looked over the beautiful Cornish coast and lay down on the dew filled grass. There was a light morning breeze and the sun was just rising but this morning I could see no beauty in the world. Even the spring flowers did not make me happy as they usually would. I lay there in a haze of confusion as I thought about the night before. Happiness filled me one moment as I remembered his gentle caresses but instantly those feelings would be marred by the stab of pain that would enter me at the thought of never seeing him again. What must he think of me? I thought in my head. A lowly maid throwing herself at her master he must think me a hoar. I thought about the 17 years that I had protected my virginity and I would be lying if I said that I did not feel an emptiness when I thought of that part of me not existing.A lady once told me " Your virginity, is the most powerful weapon for a woman in this world do not waste it." I had not wasted it though. How could it have been wasted on the man I love. I had more powerful weapons than my virginity anyhow: my tongue and fists to name a few!

As the day dragged on, I decided I had spent to long thinking about Ross and last night, shedding tears that would change nothing so I stood up and began to walk in the direction of Lluggan. I hadn't been walking very long when I heard the sound of hooves from behind. I turned round and saw Darkie galloping towards me. I turned around, trying to think of a way out. I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to see the look in his eyes when he saw the little girl he had bedded just the night before. I just continued walking hoping that this was some coincidence and he didn't want to see me either so he would go by and not even talk to me. However, moments later I heard a familiar voice "Demelza!"

I turned round as Darkie slowed down. "Sir" I said.

" Where are you going?" he replied.

" I reckon back to Lluggan, Sir. I can't be your servant no more." Bowing my head in shame as I spoke.

" Your right you can't be my servant no more. I want you to be my wife."

For a moment I didn't say a word taking in what he had just said.

" Suh, You deserve a lady not a slut like me" I said lowering my voice with the last words.

" Come here" he beckoned me forwards.

I approached him not wanting to look in his eyes.

" You were a maid when you came to me last night. Your not a slut Demelza."

I didn't know what to say. A rarity for me so I kept silent. A moment or two passed before he spoke again. " Do you want to marry me, Demelza?" he asked.

" Yes, but..." I replied.

" Then that's it then we will be wed in 4 weeks time."

I was shocked, scared and confused but still I allowed him to help me upon the horse. We had ridden like this together many times before but this time we were both careful not to touch each other. There was a tension in the air which was hard to explain but neither of us spoke the whole way home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ross and Demelza Part 3**

He helped me off the horse as we reached home, his hands around my waist. The gentle grip of his toughened hands around my middle reminded me of our intimacies just the night before. I removed those thoughts from my mind as I turned towards the house. He grabbed my hand pulling me back towards him.

" Where are you going?" he questioned with a gleam in his eyes.

" I'd better put the supper on" I replied not sure how to reply to his teasing. Never had he spoke to me in such a way. I liked it but I was unsure how he would like me to reply.

"You'd better get to it, I couldn't stand Prudie's cooking" he said still holding the glint in his eyes. I smiled and turned away. Again I felt him tug me back by my hand. " We'll talk later, Okay." He kissed my forehead causing shivers to run down my spine. I smiled once more seeming to have lost my tongue which unsettled me considerably. What was he doing to me? I was never lost for words.

I started the supper singing to myself with a grin on my face as I peeled the potatoes. I was filled with so much joy yet so much guilt. Had I trapped Ross in a marriage he didn't want? Maybe Ross would change his mind and tell me I could never be his wife. I was confused, uncertain of the future and what was to come. I was mostly happy but still it felt tinged by fear, fear of the unknown.

Later that evening I brought Ross his supper. I didn't know whether I was to eat with him tonight as had become a regular occurrence. " Shall I eat with you or in the kitchen tonight, Sir" I asked tentatively.

" In here, you are soon to be my wife. I cannot have my betrothed eating in the Kitchen. " he replied.

" Yes, Sir"

I returned a few moments later with my own plate of food and sat down at the table. The candle lit up his face, making him look even more handsome. I stopped staring before he noticed.

Then he spoke " Call me Ross from now own, I will not have my wife calling me sir"

" Yes si... Ross" I replied stumbling over the new name.

He smiled " It will take a bit of time to get used to, as will a lot of things I suspect now we are to be wed"

Several minutes past before either of us spoke again. When we did I almost forgot about the change that had occurred between us and we talked and discussed just like we had on so many previous evenings. It was getting late and Judd and Prudie had gone to bed when Ross said " I'm off to my own bed, its getting late"

In that moment I panicked. Do I join him? Will he think that to forward? Is it wrong of me to go with him?

I spoke up a little sheepishly " Do ee want me to join you?

" Do as you please, Demelza. You can go to your own bed or you can join me." he replied.

I looked down at my lap considering what was for the best. I had enjoyed last night and I wanted that again but it also made me nervous entering the unknown of his bed once again with me who had no experience and he who knew all. Apart from the fact we would not marry for weeks.

I hesitated and I looked at me " Would you like to join me?" he said with eyes filled with the same look that had filled them the night before.

" Yes but..." I said.

" There are no buts with me, Demelza if you want to join me do if not don't. I will not judge you for either decision, I will marry you in about 4 weeks time either way."

I stood up and he stretched his hand out to me. I grabbed it as we climbed the stairs, excitement and nerves filling me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ross and Demelza Part 4**

The door closed and we were in the familiar room from last night once again. Ross pulled me towards him and he kissed me once again. Slowly this time. There was less desperation in the air and this allowed my nerves to kick in. Tonight, both of us were completely sober there was less need and both of us knew and understood what we were doing. I was scared that once he had been with me in his right mind that he would no longer want me and would take back his proposal. The kiss deepened and I began to feel the lust take over a the nerves begin to fade. Ross pressed me into his groin allowing a groan to escape both our lips. All of a sudden the pace quickened and Ross was helping me remove my dress. This was unknown territory to me and it was clear it was a path Ross had treaded so many times before. I craved his touch yet I feared the things he might do to me, the things he might think of me. The dress was removed and he started to fumble with the laces of my stays. My silence hadn't gone unnoticed and he spun me back around to face him.

" What's wrong? You can remove your consent at any time and I will stop." he said reinforcing what I already knew to be true.

"No, I want this just..."

"Just what?" he said with a concerned frown on his face

" Just a little slower, tis all" I said hoping this would not hurt or displease him. Giving him orders and all.

He placed a gentle kisses on my lips and on my neck and between my breasts making me breathe heavily as I experienced his touch once again. My stays were removed and we began to kiss deeply. I helped him with his waistcoat as lost in the moment as he had been previously. Then he was topless and all I wanted to do was trail my fingers along his well defined body but I wasn't sure it was allowed. I looked up at him with a questioning look in my eyes before I stretched a solitary finger out and ran it along his chest. Still looking up at him for permission I saw him smile and I knew it was alright. I trailed my fingers along the little hairs on his chest and felt along his abs. I wanted to go further still but before I did Ross and walked us over to the bed. My shift was removed and I lay there waiting for him as he undid his trousers. The way he looked at me in that moment made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I felt no shame as I lay there spread out for him. Allowing his eyes to roam my body. He returned to me desperation in eyes as is lips which were becoming so familiar to be touch mine. Our bodies connected once again in the most intimate way. Ross was within me and I never wanted him to leave. Our thrusts met one another's as our pleasures built. Ross was nearing his end when he reached down between our bodies and rubbed the nub above my sex as his thrusts became erratic and I felt myself on the verge of something I had never felt before. I went over that step and it felt as if all my senses exploded as the most beautiful pleasure came over me. Moments later Ross spilled his seed within me, rolling over grasping me to his side as we both fell asleep me in awe of the way he had made me feel and the way his arms were wrapped around me as my eyes shut.

I woke in the middle of the night to the feeling of something poking me in my backside. I turned around to face Ross and I saw the dark look in his eyes which I had seen twice before. Ross turned me onto my back and once again began to kiss me.

" Is this alright?" he said

I nodded my consent and quickly he was within me. Our thrusts were slow and sleepy. Our eyes closed, both only have awake. Our need for pleasure was overtaking our need for sleep as he filled me. I held him close as we came down from our eyes before I slipped back into my peaceful slumber with a smile on my face. I loved him but I could never say it aloud to him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ross and Demelza Part 5**

I stirred to feel Ross' arm round my waist is a secure grip which made me feel safer than I ever had in my life before. The sun had already came out and I knew that I should therefore be up also. Regretfully I removed Ross' hand from its position being careful not wake him as I got up from the comfortable position in which I had laid. Even though my nights sleep had been interrupted on several occasions I felt the completely energised. I got dressed with a smile on my face and a glint in my eye. I crept down the stairs to the kitchen and tied my hair up and put a clean apron on. I must make the bread in time for it to prove and bake before lunch time I thought to myself as I began to mix the ingredients together before kneading it to make a dough. I sang as I kneaded filled with joy in my heart. Garrick was at my feet peacefully as I continued my song.

All of a sudden I saw Ross' face peek round the door and my words halted in my throat. I tidied my hair up self consciously as he approached me. He came so close to me that I was biting my lip in anticipation of what he might do. I saw his hand come up to my cheek as he said "you've got some flour on your face." I laughed as he stepped away from me. "I'm of to speak to the Reverend about getting the bans read at the service on Sunday. I won't be long, expect me back for lunch." he said as he left the kitchen by the door.I was left in a haze as he left. Remembering the way he teased I continued to sing as I kneaded the dough.

The morning continued as normal. I did my usual chores and life seemed normal. I worried about Judd and Prudie and the way they would react to our...engagement. The word was still hard to say... in fact it hurt my head to think about us being married. I had longed for it but I never thought it to be possible. I worried what people would think- not just what Judd and Prudie would think. What would Ross' people think? The thought made me grow pale.

Ross arrived back at lunch time as was expected. We sat down together for lunch.

"Did ee speak to the Reverend then , Sir" I said forgetting what was to be his new name.

"I did. Our engagement will be announced at the service tomorrow." he replied.

I looked down at my lap, hands clasped together. " What's the matter?" he questioned.

" Everyone will know by tomorrow en " I said in a low voice.

" Yes, I'm not ashamed. Are you?" he asked

" No, but ye is so far above me and what are people gonna think?"

" What people think doesn't matter." he said with an assured air to voice. Ross really didn't care and that was the truth.

" We'll tell Judd and Prudie tonight. They should hear it from us first." he said

" Yes. sir" I said forgetting once again that I was no longer his servant.

"Ross" he spoke

" Sorry, Ross" I said apologetically.

" Its fine there are a lot of new things between us." he said with a grin on his face.

I smiled back at him liking this new side of him that was only starting to be revealed.

To say the Paynter's took the news badly would be an understatement. Judd walked back and forth in an angry march saying " teyn't right, teyn't fair, tyn't proper" and Prudie just seemed in complete shock. Ross had reprimanded Judd after several minutes of his rant by saying " Enough, enough. I have chosen a wife and you will respect her as mistress of this house from now on." This statement seemed to hush Judd and not long later he seemed to come round to the idea. Though he still didn't see it as fit and proper.

After a stressful day both me and Ross returned to our room. Ross had began to get unchanged and he put on a clean night shirt. I stood there uncertainly as I saw him climb into bed.

" What's the matter?" he asked a frown creasing his brow.

" I... I don't have a night shirt shall I just..." I stopped there unsure of what to say.

" You can wear one of my day shirts just now until we can get you a nightdress of your own"

I smiled and said " Don't worry about getting me a nightdress, your shirt will do me just fine" I said genuinely just not wanting him to waste money on me. I saw the edges of his mouth turn up in a grin as he looked at me.

I turned my back to him as I slipped out of my dress and into his shirt. The shirt only came about half way up thighs exposing my long legs.

I climbed into the bed and sat upright unsure if we were just going to go to sleep. "Lie down" came a deep voice from the darkness and I did so. I felt his familiar hand snake around my middle. All I will say is the shirt didn't stay on me long!


	6. Chapter 6

Ross and Demelza Part 6

I woke up the next morning to find myself alone in the bed the morning sun shining through the thin material of the curtains. I got up feeling lonely in the bed I had quickly learned to share and got dressed. My future felt so uncertain yet so secure. Marriage seemed the most stable establishment but with Ross and me it felt so unreal. Most people do not marry the way we will. Not many break the class divide and if they do it's almost always for a deep, undying love. I loved him more than anything but why would he marry his kitchen wench when he felt no such feeling in return. I let my thoughts disappear as I walked down the stairs. Just as I neared the bottom, I saw Judd and Prudie standing at the bottom, hands on waist and all. I shoved my way past them both with Judd screaming his tedn't this and tedn't that's. They had never married so they could say nothing about the relationship Ross and I have I thought as I made my way through to the Kitchen to begin my days work.

Late afternoon, once all the chores were completed and the supper was on I left the house for a walk. The sun was only beginning to fade as I made my way through the tall leaves of grass, my red hair blowing in the wind, the smell of sea salt drifting across the tops of the cliffs as I sang

" I'd pluck a fair rose for my love;

I'd pluck red rose blowing.

Love's in my heart a-trying so to prove

What your heart's knowing"

I continued to sing as I bent down to pick some flowers. I thought they would look nice on the table this evening. I thought I must go back and put them in some water before they wilt so I stood up and saw Darkie riding towards me. They approached me and Ross jumped from his horse.

" I was just on my way home now we can go together" he said

He grabbed my hand as he led Darkie with his other. Ross had never shown me such affection as holding my hand but he barely seemed to notice what he had done so I pretended that I hadn't either. Strangely, this act felt the most intimate even after having shared a bed with him several times now. His strong hand intertwined with mine made me feel so close to him. Maybe this felt closer than sex, as if it showed me he cared even if it was just a little. I smiled all the way home as we walked hand and hand. We talked about our days. Everything from the boring to the hilarious was discussed and I realised that this was what I love about him. This was what I loved about us. I liked the us when no one was looking, the us when there were no barriers, the us when were relaxed, talking and laughing. I liked it because I could pretend he loved me as much as I loved him.

We returned much to my dismay as I felt like I could go on walking with him forever. Maybe, that's what marriage would be like a walk together which would never end until one of us died. I know that the walk may not always be a happy one and that it will be tinged with pain and struggles but I realised that I didn't mind a little pain if I could have moments like those. The most simple, innocent moments when nothing in the world seems to matter and joy is the only emotion that seems to exist. I felt his grip loosen as our hands parted and he led Darkie away to untack and feed him. I watched him disappear with both a feeling of loss, hope and happiness.

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Sorry for the short chapter but hope you enjoy anyway :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Ross and Demelza Part 7**

Over a week had passed since Ross and I had first got together. Judd and Prudie were getting used to the idea of us getting married and slowly I was also. However, the rest of the world still disapproved especially Ross' class of people. Gossip flew around town and all sorts of rumours were being told. People said I was pregnant and Ross was only marrying me because he had to. The thought did concern me because I didn't know if that rumour was untrue I could be pregnant and I just was unaware. Maybe Ross was only marrying because he was duty bound. It was silly of me to think otherwise, why else would he marry his kitchen maid who didn't even know how to read. I wanted to tell him that there was no obligation and he could withdraw his proposal but every time I thought I would speak the words my undying love for him stopped me. Maybe it was selfish of me but I just couldn't let him go.

The nights had been much the same over the last couple of weeks. Awkward to begin with but deeply passionate and full of lust when it had begun. Each time I had been below him as he thrusted into me from above. I loved this position, him kissing me as I looked at his face however this night was different.

I came into bed about an half hour after him. I came into the room and put on his shirt and hopped into bed. It was cold and I snuggled into him, breathing in his comforting smell. I nestled my nose into his exposed chest and he played with my auburn hair. Ross lips skimmed my forehead and he sat up and brought me with him. We kissed in a sitting position for several minutes our hands roaming each others exposed torsos. He lay me down and I thought it would just happen as normal but Ross opened his mouth and spoke " Do you trust me?" he said.

" Of course" I said thinking it would be obvious to him now. However I wondered what he might do. Honestly, I could curse my naivety but I didn't know what else we could do. In time he would show me all sorts of things that a man and woman could share but at this moment in time I was clueless.

" I want to try something new. Is that alright?" he asked caringly.

" Okay" I said with a smile on my face. This was exciting I thought.

He flipped me over so I was straddling him. He grasped my hips and looked at me expectantly.

I took a moment a little confused and then I understood." Oh, you want to do it this way?" I asked.

" Yes" he said in a husky lust filled voice.

" Okay, can you help me" I asked a little worried about doing it wrong. I had never been in control before. In fact I had hardly even touched his member before. Never sure if that was allowed.

He smiled up at me. I looked down, blushing thinking that he must think what a innocent stupid little girl I was. Ross then lined his penis up with me and grasped my hips pushing me down onto himself. An elicit groan came from both of our mouths as I became seated upon him. Grasping onto my hips he moved me up and down. This new position felt amazing I wondered why he had never suggested it before. My breasts bounced up and down and I was able to control the rhythm more easily. "Judus , I said as I reached my high. I fell down onto Ross' chest exhausted from my orgasm. he turned me over and began to thrust into me. Kissing my lips as he did so. Soon he spilled his seed into me and fell to my side.

As our heavy breathing subsided I nestled back into his chest, legs entangled as we both fell into a deep sleep. I dreamed of us getting married, of us having children, of him falling in love with me and of us growing old together. Parts of that dream was becoming a reality and I prayed to God I wouldn't have to let it go.

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Sorry for another fairly short chapter without a lot of content but hopefully it s enjoyable anyhow.


	8. Chapter 8

**Ross and Demelza Part 8**

Walking along the rocky beach, Garrick by my side it was hard to believe that in just two weeks time I would be Mistress Poldark. I had walked these shores many times before but still the walk felt the same as any other I had taken. The ground beneath me was the same, just as the cliffs and the ocean were same. How could they still be the same when everything was so different. I was different yet I was still the same. I expected everything to be different once I had lost my maidenhead, once I had fallen in love. In some ways things were different, my whole world and changed but it was reassuring to know that some things never change. It may all seem a contradiction but maybe that's because inside I am battling with myself. I cannot decide whats best. Should I let him go? Tell him I will leave. He never wanted me anyhow. Would that be for the best? Would he grow to hate me if I stayed? My head was muddle and I was thinking too many many questions and too short a walk I thought as I made my way back to the house.

The next day Ross went to Truro early in the morning to run some errands. He told me that he would not return till supper time. My flux had started that morning and it was concerning me. I worried about how to tactfully tell Ross. I knew that I could not lie with him at least he would not want to lie with me in that condition. The only good thing about my monthly arriving was that I was assured that I was not yet pregnant. If Ross did decide that him marrying me was a mistake there would be no responsibility or duty on his part anyhow people would talk if I had a baby before 9 months after our marriage.

I went about my daily chores as usual. A little uncomfortable and under the weather, I kept thinking about what to say if Ross tried anything that night as I was sure he would. Usually I was as enthusiastic about our love making even though sometimes timid and unsure to start off with but I knew men did not sleep with woman whilst they bled. At least I thought they didn't. To be fair I knew very little of intimacies between a man and a woman and I let Ross guide us in the bedroom. It was all very new to me and I had so little knowledge of such things.

I let my thoughts and fears calm down as I knead the dough and sang a song. Both music and house chores were what I used to calm down when I was stressed and they didn't let me down that day. Everything that was going on was crowding me and I felt trapped with all the things that were going on. So many decisions to make, so many changes but as I sang, tapping my feet and kneading the bread my mind stopped and all I concentrated on was the next lyric of my song.

At about 7,oclock Ross arrived home looking a little tired. I went out to greet him. " How was your day?" I asked.

" Long but not to bad" he replied as he kissed me on the lips.

"I will go and heat up your supper" I said as he walked away to put Darkie away.

I walked away considering my options for telling him about my flux. I wasn't sure he would even want to know. Maybe I should just refuse him. I couldn't do that I reprimanded myself.

After supper we were just sitting in his study. Ross was at his desk working out some numbers and I was sitting in front of the fire staring into the flames. I turned round and Ross' eyes met mine. Ross motioned for me to come over and I did so. He patted my lap and I hesitantly took it. Sitting down lightly as if he could tell that I was on my monthly if I sat down to hard.

Ross began to kiss me, pulling my hair a little as he did so. Before things went to far and we both became too excited I stood up and said " I'm off to bed" possibly a little too quickly and a little to bluntly. I walked off not even looking back at him. If I had I would have seen the confused look that was upon his face. As I climbed the stairs I cursed the way I had acted. No explanation. Nothing.

About half an hour later I heard Ross enter the room. I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. All the while telling myself what a child I was being about the whole situation. Maybe I was just I child I thought as I felt the bed move with the weight of Ross' body lying next to mine. I felt Ross' hand snake around my waist and I tensed up. He must of sensed this as he spoke " You awake Demelza" he asked. I stopped breathing for a second. It's pathetic I know.

He turned me over and I opened my eyes defeated. " What's the matter? Why did you pull away earlier?" he questioned.

"Its nothing it's just... well you know" I stammered hoping he would understand what I was saying. My cheeks must have been the colour of my hair by this point.

" I don't know what you mean" Ross said looking a little perplexed.

I sighed. I didn't know what to say. I turned back around hoping we could just say nothing. "I need to know. We are to be wed after all. " he said. I turned around and buried my face into his chest trying to hide my crimson cheeks and embarrassment. " Demelza , your worrying me" he said as he lifted my face to meet his.

I nestled my face back into his chest and mumbled " It's my monthly, please say you understand"

" Oh... yes I understand" he said blushing a little himself now.

" Don't worry. We can just hold one another tonight" he reassured as we lay down together.

" Night, Ross" I said as we both shut our eyes to go to sleep. As I drifted off to sleep I thought about how useless it was of me to worry. After all it turned out okay and I could have handled the whole situation in a lot more of a grown up manner. I also wondered how I would survive not making love to him for at least 4 days.


	9. Chapter 9

Ross and Demelza Part 9

As I lay in bed that night next to Ross I thought of my life before all this. It seemed so long ago now. In many ways I didn't feel that much different than the 13 year old girl that had come to Nampara all those years ago but of course I was different. Ross sure saw the difference anyway. I wasn't a little girl anymore I was soon to be someone's wife and little girls weren't wives they were woman. I felt grown up enough to take on the role but it scared me. I wouldn't be a miners wife I would be Ross' and that held a lot of expectation. However, when I was with Ross I felt alive, I felt happy, I felt real and hopeful. I couldn't stand to go back to where I was, I couldn't stand to live the way my mother had. Married to a man who beat her and her children. I didn't want to work all day, half starved because by husband chose to drink rather than to feed his family and most of all I didn't want to marry a man I didn't love. I knew that no matter what I was forced to face in my marriage with Ross I would be able to cope because I loved him. I could cope with starvation if need be. Even if he did beat me and drink too much I loved him so much I would never leave him. Maybe I shouldn't love him so much but I did. I would do anything for him but I trusted him to never hurt me anyway. As I lay my thoughts to bed I drifted off into a deep peaceful sleep unlike those I had had before I arrived at Nampara.

I woke in the middle of the night to feeling of Ross' hands around my waist and the feeling of his body curled around mine as if it was part of mine. I turned around and felt something jabbing below my waist and realised what he was needing. Still on my period I thought about what I could do to help him. Ross still seemed asleep grinding against me. Suddenly he came to and realisation appeared on his face.

" I'm sorry" he said looking both disappointed and remorseful as he remembered our conversation from the night before.

" It's fine, what... can I do ? " I asked questioningly. I wasn't sure if it was okay to be so forward but Ross always did tell me that he did not want there to be shame where our intimacies are concerned.

" Its fine,Demelza. Don't worry about it. Lets go back to sleep."

I could tell that he was trying not to push me into anything even though he really did want me to help. I wasn't quite sure what he required but I had an idea of how to start.

Tentatively I reached my hand under the blanket to below his waist and with a shaky hand touched his groin. Ever so slightly tracing over his length. He wore a nightshirt so I still did not have direct contact but already Ross was stirring beside me trying to restrain himself.

" Please, Demelza" he said.

I panicked then because he wanted something I didn't know how to give him,

" Tell me what to do... tell me what you need, Ross" I said shakily.

With that he grasped my hand with his and put our hands on his length setting a pace. We continued like this for a minute until he let go of my hand and let me do it on my own. As I heard the noises which made me think he was near his end I quickened my pace and soon he came into my hand, His seed covered my hand for the first time and I took the cloths from beside the bed and cleaned him up.

I gave him a peck on his lips and he said " Thank you, Demelza"

" It was alright then" I asked hesitantly.

" Yes, it was better than that. What about you?" he asked

" I'm fine" I said with a smile. There was a familiar wetness between my legs and a coil in the pit of my stomach which was ready to unfurl but I didn't want Ross to pleasure me whilst it was my time of the month it still seemed to humiliating after all we had only been together for a short time.

We both lay our heads down mine on his chest and fell asleep with a smile on my face.


End file.
